Clean Routine: Housework Strategies the Whole Family Can Share
Keep the peace while maintaining a tidy home, with these ideas to get all kinds of cleaning personality types in on the act
When my sister, Torey, and her husband, David, were first married, she said she always knew exactly what he did when she was away by following the "Trail of David" when she returned: shoes tucked under the coffee table, sweatshirt tossed on a chair, a glass of water on the desk, a bag of bread on the counter with a dirty plate in the sink, the toilet seat up in the bathroom.
When it comes to cleaning, Torey can be a tiny bit type A–ish, so it's not surprising it was a big job for them to figure out how to work together well. For David the problem was simple: "It's not that I didn't have a cleaning rhythm — I did — it's just that mine was every two weeks, and Torey's was every day."
I'm sure many of us can relate. Here are a few tips to help you find your own happy rhythm.
When it comes to cleaning, Torey can be a tiny bit type A–ish, so it's not surprising it was a big job for them to figure out how to work together well. For David the problem was simple: "It's not that I didn't have a cleaning rhythm — I did — it's just that mine was every two weeks, and Torey's was every day."
I'm sure many of us can relate. Here are a few tips to help you find your own happy rhythm.
Establish new habits and routines. If you are the person constantly picking up after other members of your family, pay attention and look for patterns. "Is everything a pattern, Alison?" Come on, grab a paper bag, breathe in it a bit and stay with me.
Let's start at the very beginning: Are coats thrown over chairs, a wallet or purse tossed on the table, bags and backpacks dumped in the middle of the floor? No mudroom? Give each member of the family at least one hook and a basket, as close to the door as possible.
In our old house, our mudroom was not big at 6 feet square, and every wall had a door. I covered the little bit of wall we had with three-prong hooks and hung baskets for hats and gloves directly on the wall, similar to what this homeowner did.
Everyone was assigned an area and encouraged to hang coats and backpacks and stash hats and gloves in the baskets. Some of us took to it readily, and others had to be reminded ... repeatedly. Focus on one habit at a time, and once that's established, move on to another.
Let's start at the very beginning: Are coats thrown over chairs, a wallet or purse tossed on the table, bags and backpacks dumped in the middle of the floor? No mudroom? Give each member of the family at least one hook and a basket, as close to the door as possible.
In our old house, our mudroom was not big at 6 feet square, and every wall had a door. I covered the little bit of wall we had with three-prong hooks and hung baskets for hats and gloves directly on the wall, similar to what this homeowner did.
Everyone was assigned an area and encouraged to hang coats and backpacks and stash hats and gloves in the baskets. Some of us took to it readily, and others had to be reminded ... repeatedly. Focus on one habit at a time, and once that's established, move on to another.
Hang some hooks. Try to eliminate steps for your family members who are not naturally organized.
Here the homeowner hung some hooks and set out a couple washtubs to corral kids' stuff. In Torey's house they enter directly into the kitchen. She hung hooks, set a two-shelf closet organizer for shoes right next to the door and placed a couple of bins on top of a nearby cupboard.
For some of us, there's no question about which is easier: opening a closet door, grabbing a hanger, hanging a garment and closing the closet door versus "neatly" dropping the garment in a pile by the bed.
One friend of mine hung a row of hooks in her bedroom as a solution for her husband, who piled his clothes. She was surprised to find herself using them too. "It's not ideal, but it keeps things in order, and it's easy," she says.
Here the homeowner hung some hooks and set out a couple washtubs to corral kids' stuff. In Torey's house they enter directly into the kitchen. She hung hooks, set a two-shelf closet organizer for shoes right next to the door and placed a couple of bins on top of a nearby cupboard.
For some of us, there's no question about which is easier: opening a closet door, grabbing a hanger, hanging a garment and closing the closet door versus "neatly" dropping the garment in a pile by the bed.
One friend of mine hung a row of hooks in her bedroom as a solution for her husband, who piled his clothes. She was surprised to find herself using them too. "It's not ideal, but it keeps things in order, and it's easy," she says.
Don't pick up after anyone but yourself. The exception being babies and actual animals — some of whom can even be trained to pick up their toys, so be selective there too. I know this is a hard one for certain people. Some of you may have passed out just picturing how your home would look if you didn't scuttle around and pick up after everyone else, but give it a try.
I purposely leave things my kids need to pick up for them to take care of when they return from school, only to see my husband, Paul, scoop them up the second he comes home, because he just can't help himself. I remind him, "If you constantly pick up after them ... us ... we will never, ever learn to do it ourselves."
Note: A matter-of-fact reminder is not nagging. When I'm pointing out messes, I try to use an upbeat and loving tone.
Be strategic with furniture and people placement. In our new home, I have a small study just off the living room. I am a piler and tend to spread out a lot when I'm in the middle of a project, so I positioned the desk off to the side of the French doors. You can catch a glimpse of my desk from the living room, but it's not the constant view.
In our bedroom I usually take the side of the bed away from the door. When either the drawer of my nightstand or my basket of books is erupting, I'm the only one to see it. In our house it's no accident that a certain child's hooks and baskets are tucked out of sight in the mudroom.
Minimize horizontal surfaces. I have space in my bedroom for a chair, but I know it would become my clotheshorse. In our living room, I thought carefully about superfluous tables. In our wide upstairs hall, I have an old farm table just outside the laundry room, and next to it is a large cabinet filled with my daughter Eden's art supplies. Keeping that table clear is the battle of my life, but it's so convenient for folding laundry and for Eden to work at, it's worth the effort. For some of us, a horizontal surface is a pile magnet, so choose yours carefully and well.
I purposely leave things my kids need to pick up for them to take care of when they return from school, only to see my husband, Paul, scoop them up the second he comes home, because he just can't help himself. I remind him, "If you constantly pick up after them ... us ... we will never, ever learn to do it ourselves."
Note: A matter-of-fact reminder is not nagging. When I'm pointing out messes, I try to use an upbeat and loving tone.
Be strategic with furniture and people placement. In our new home, I have a small study just off the living room. I am a piler and tend to spread out a lot when I'm in the middle of a project, so I positioned the desk off to the side of the French doors. You can catch a glimpse of my desk from the living room, but it's not the constant view.
In our bedroom I usually take the side of the bed away from the door. When either the drawer of my nightstand or my basket of books is erupting, I'm the only one to see it. In our house it's no accident that a certain child's hooks and baskets are tucked out of sight in the mudroom.
Minimize horizontal surfaces. I have space in my bedroom for a chair, but I know it would become my clotheshorse. In our living room, I thought carefully about superfluous tables. In our wide upstairs hall, I have an old farm table just outside the laundry room, and next to it is a large cabinet filled with my daughter Eden's art supplies. Keeping that table clear is the battle of my life, but it's so convenient for folding laundry and for Eden to work at, it's worth the effort. For some of us, a horizontal surface is a pile magnet, so choose yours carefully and well.
Designate areas that can be messy. For the sake of peace, love and all good things, another friend of mine suggested that her husband — who works out of their home — use the bonus room over the garage for his office.
Others questioned her giving up this large space, which could have been a perfect playroom for the children, but she was happy to to have her husband's messy office out of sight.
How he maintains it is his business, and she doesn't have to see it.
Others questioned her giving up this large space, which could have been a perfect playroom for the children, but she was happy to to have her husband's messy office out of sight.
How he maintains it is his business, and she doesn't have to see it.
Grab a basket. Granted, there are times when you just need to get things picked up.
Torey teaches out of her home, and because of the layout, the kitchen, the dining room, the upstairs hall, her daughters' bedroom, the family room and the bathroom all have the possibility of being viewed by clients.
She has a couple baskets where she can quickly stash her family's belongings, which they can then put away at their leisure.
Torey teaches out of her home, and because of the layout, the kitchen, the dining room, the upstairs hall, her daughters' bedroom, the family room and the bathroom all have the possibility of being viewed by clients.
She has a couple baskets where she can quickly stash her family's belongings, which they can then put away at their leisure.
Hire help. For many this keeps peace and order, and even if it stretches the budget, economizing elsewhere is a small price to pay.
More:
We Can Work It Out: Living and Cleaning Together
4 Obstacles to Decluttering — and How to Beat Them
Are You a Piler or a Filer?
Beautiful Clutter? These 13 Rooms Say Go for It
More:
We Can Work It Out: Living and Cleaning Together
4 Obstacles to Decluttering — and How to Beat Them
Are You a Piler or a Filer?
Beautiful Clutter? These 13 Rooms Say Go for It
Take it a room at a time, if necessary. "I think our bedroom is clean enough when the bed is made and there's nothing on the floor," for example. You can start with broad ideas: "I want to do a little bit every day, so the house is never really a mess" — or your feelings: "If someone stops by unexpectedly, I want to feel happy rather than panicked and ashamed." It may be simplest to go straight for your triggers: "The living room feels clean enough when there are no dirty dishes and empty bottles on the coffee table" and work your way up from there.
This will be an ongoing conversation and could be an emotional one. Depending on your perspective, you may be tempted to say something like, "I don't know why it's so hard for you to do these simple things!" or, from the other side, "I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of these simple things!"
Whatever side of the neatness spectrum you're on, it's important to listen to and try to understand what your partner is saying. If you're anything like me, that could be a challenge, but it's more than worth it.
Divide the work. This doesn't have to be 50-50 or set in stone forever, but it's a start. One friend and his wife took over on the other's least favorite chore; she did the laundry, and he did the dishes. With another couple I know, she does the cooking and he cleans up. This is where making requests will serve you. If you already do the bulk of the cleaning, ask for help and be specific: "Would you please be responsible for __?" Schedule a check-in to assess how things are going.
In our family if we don't do what we say we're going to do, we apologize and ask for forgiveness. This may seem a bit much if we're talking about something as banal as taking out the garbage, but our character is revealed in everything, big and small. It's ultimately freeing to eschew excuses and take responsibility: "I'm sorry. I said I would empty the trash and completely forgot. Will you forgive me?"