Tempering the Mayhem of Moving in Together (Without the Murder Charges)
So you've taken the big step, and decided to move in with your other half? If you're anything like me, you may need some help making it work
If you’ve never lived with a partner before, or you have and can’t quite understand why you ended up standing on the kerb with all your stuff in garbage bags, the significant life step of moving in together could seem more than a little bit daunting. Particularly for those of us who are … I’m going to say, somewhat set in our ways (read: stubborn, opinionated and far too used to doing our own thing.) With any luck and a bit of consideration, this guide to argument-free decorating for two should at least help you get through the initial term of your lease together, without the need for a quick trip to the local hardware store for a shovel, or a phone call to your bestie who, after all, did always say they’d be there to help if you ever needed to hide a body…
So, you’re ready for the next level of intimacy, right? That may well be, but it could also be a good idea to give cohabiting a bit of a trial run before jumping in feet first. If you can afford the time, take a month to trial living together, ‘moving in’ to either your house or theirs so that you can see what it’s like. This way you can know what it’s really going to be like when the ‘best behaviour’ act is dropped, without the pressure of a 6- or 12-month rental contract weighing down on the two of you.
Plan out your space
If all goes well after the trial run, you may get a bit complacent. But do not skip this first and most essential step if you do decide to get a new place together. Planning out your space is especially useful when you’re setting up an entirely new home, rather than one of you simply moving in with the other. You need to know what each room will be used for, where your awesome sofas will go, and whether you will have room for his giant TV. Take the time to get a floor plan of your new place (one you’ve hopefully picked one together!), and sketch out a rough concept of where you think everything should go.
Not only will this mean you both get equal say in whose stuff goes where, but it’ll also make it a lot quicker and easier to pack up your old places knowing where you’ll be moving all of your stuff to in the new place. That means it may be cheaper, too, if you’re hiring movers. Bonus.
If all goes well after the trial run, you may get a bit complacent. But do not skip this first and most essential step if you do decide to get a new place together. Planning out your space is especially useful when you’re setting up an entirely new home, rather than one of you simply moving in with the other. You need to know what each room will be used for, where your awesome sofas will go, and whether you will have room for his giant TV. Take the time to get a floor plan of your new place (one you’ve hopefully picked one together!), and sketch out a rough concept of where you think everything should go.
Not only will this mean you both get equal say in whose stuff goes where, but it’ll also make it a lot quicker and easier to pack up your old places knowing where you’ll be moving all of your stuff to in the new place. That means it may be cheaper, too, if you’re hiring movers. Bonus.
Make your stuff work with their stuff
No matter how alike your tastes are, there’s undoubtedly going to be something in your other half’s decorating repertoire that doesn’t quite mesh with your idea of good interior design. This could be a particularly loud turquoise velvet sofa, a vast collection of Star Wars toys – I mean figurines, sorry! – or better yet, a motley selection of animal skulls, not all of which are completely intact, so you can’t quite tell what shape they would have originally been. Is that … a bat, maybe? Or no wait, a possum?
Take a look at some eclectic decorating ideas on Houzz to get a better idea of how to make things that seemingly shouldn’t go together work in a way that satisfies you both.
No matter how alike your tastes are, there’s undoubtedly going to be something in your other half’s decorating repertoire that doesn’t quite mesh with your idea of good interior design. This could be a particularly loud turquoise velvet sofa, a vast collection of Star Wars toys – I mean figurines, sorry! – or better yet, a motley selection of animal skulls, not all of which are completely intact, so you can’t quite tell what shape they would have originally been. Is that … a bat, maybe? Or no wait, a possum?
Take a look at some eclectic decorating ideas on Houzz to get a better idea of how to make things that seemingly shouldn’t go together work in a way that satisfies you both.
Try not to take over
If you have a particularly large collection of something, such as books, CDs or (ahem) records, try not to let it take over the space, leaving nowhere for your other half to store or display their belongings.
Remember, this space needs to be home for both of you, so figure out a way to fit everything in together, so that neither of you feel you’re being left out of the equation.
If you have a particularly large collection of something, such as books, CDs or (ahem) records, try not to let it take over the space, leaving nowhere for your other half to store or display their belongings.
Remember, this space needs to be home for both of you, so figure out a way to fit everything in together, so that neither of you feel you’re being left out of the equation.
Keep in mind, however, they’re not necessarily going to love all of the things that you love… For instance, your partner may not share your slavish devotion to your fluffy little overlord (or lady). So be prepared to let some of your bits and pieces (and floor-to-ceiling shrines to said fluffiness) go. Instead, take the time to prioritise, compromise and, if necessary, downsize to make room for one another.
Speak up
If there’s something that really matters to you though, don’t stay silent about it, that will only make you more and more frustrated; just tell them. Whether this is a burning need to display a collection that really means a lot to you, or the overwhelming desire to not have to live inside a pink, frill-infested bubble, the only way things will change for the better is if you speak up.
If there’s something that really matters to you though, don’t stay silent about it, that will only make you more and more frustrated; just tell them. Whether this is a burning need to display a collection that really means a lot to you, or the overwhelming desire to not have to live inside a pink, frill-infested bubble, the only way things will change for the better is if you speak up.
Be aware
Either before you move in together, or shortly thereafter, take the time to talk to one another, and learn what habits small or large annoy you and your partner, then work out how best to get around the annoyance.
Does he steal your towel then leave it in a sopping pile on the floor. Every. Single. Day? Maybe you could try colour-coded towels, and install hooks on the back of the bathroom door (and in every other room of the house if necessary!), to make it easier for him to distinguish between his and yours, and figure out what to do with his towel, once all of his bits are dry, i.e. hang it up!
Either before you move in together, or shortly thereafter, take the time to talk to one another, and learn what habits small or large annoy you and your partner, then work out how best to get around the annoyance.
Does he steal your towel then leave it in a sopping pile on the floor. Every. Single. Day? Maybe you could try colour-coded towels, and install hooks on the back of the bathroom door (and in every other room of the house if necessary!), to make it easier for him to distinguish between his and yours, and figure out what to do with his towel, once all of his bits are dry, i.e. hang it up!
Make what matters to them matter to you
Say your significant other is not entirely on-board with the idea of living with your furry friend, but where you go, Princess Fluffypants goes, so they have to learn to live with it, right? That’s fair enough, but make sure you acknowledge that this may be something of a sacrifice they’ve made because they want you in their lives, and do what you can to adjust your behaviour – and your pet’s – to try to encourage everyone to get along.
This may mean teaching your dog or cat to stay off the furniture (easier said than done if this isn’t something you’ve enforced before, granted) and being consistent with this all the time, not just when your partner can witness it. Because yes, they can tell when she’s been on the bed. Because it’s covered in white fur. No, seriously. Covered!
Say your significant other is not entirely on-board with the idea of living with your furry friend, but where you go, Princess Fluffypants goes, so they have to learn to live with it, right? That’s fair enough, but make sure you acknowledge that this may be something of a sacrifice they’ve made because they want you in their lives, and do what you can to adjust your behaviour – and your pet’s – to try to encourage everyone to get along.
This may mean teaching your dog or cat to stay off the furniture (easier said than done if this isn’t something you’ve enforced before, granted) and being consistent with this all the time, not just when your partner can witness it. Because yes, they can tell when she’s been on the bed. Because it’s covered in white fur. No, seriously. Covered!
Figure it out together
To avoid the potentially lethal stress of constantly having your other half putting things away where you’ve determined they don’t belong (dammit!), figure out where things are going to go together, right from the start. If you’ve both decided that the pots and pans go in the cupboard under the sink – the only logical place for them, obviously – you have every right to kick your other half in the shin every time you find a frying pan in the tupperware cupboard. Just sayin’.
To avoid the potentially lethal stress of constantly having your other half putting things away where you’ve determined they don’t belong (dammit!), figure out where things are going to go together, right from the start. If you’ve both decided that the pots and pans go in the cupboard under the sink – the only logical place for them, obviously – you have every right to kick your other half in the shin every time you find a frying pan in the tupperware cupboard. Just sayin’.
Make time for just the two of you
It’s important to keep in mind that, although you’re now living together, and sharing things like rent, bills and living space, you’re not actually housemates but a couple in a relationship. It’s far too easy, when you see each other every day, to become accustomed to one another to the point where one or both of you takes the other one for granted.
To make sure this doesn’t happen, set aside some time – every day, every week, or whenever you both can manage it – that’s just for the two of you. Sit and chat in the living room on a Sunday morning. Make and enjoy a nice dinner together on a Tuesday evening. Or go out together on a Friday night, and end Date Night properly once you get home … sharing a tub of salted caramel ice cream on the couch while watching stand-up comedy on YouTube. It’s the little things that count after all.
TELL US
What advice would you give to a couple about to take the plunge into cohabitation? Share your words of wisdom in the Comments below.
MORE
Relocation Stations: 8 Top Tips for a Smooth Move
8 Things to Discuss Before Moving in Together
Relationships and Renovating – Do They Mix?
It’s important to keep in mind that, although you’re now living together, and sharing things like rent, bills and living space, you’re not actually housemates but a couple in a relationship. It’s far too easy, when you see each other every day, to become accustomed to one another to the point where one or both of you takes the other one for granted.
To make sure this doesn’t happen, set aside some time – every day, every week, or whenever you both can manage it – that’s just for the two of you. Sit and chat in the living room on a Sunday morning. Make and enjoy a nice dinner together on a Tuesday evening. Or go out together on a Friday night, and end Date Night properly once you get home … sharing a tub of salted caramel ice cream on the couch while watching stand-up comedy on YouTube. It’s the little things that count after all.
TELL US
What advice would you give to a couple about to take the plunge into cohabitation? Share your words of wisdom in the Comments below.
MORE
Relocation Stations: 8 Top Tips for a Smooth Move
8 Things to Discuss Before Moving in Together
Relationships and Renovating – Do They Mix?
So, you think you know your other half really well. They’ve stayed over at yours often enough that you’re now mostly comfortable letting it all hang out (a.k.a you’re not wearing make-up to bed anymore, and you’ve stopped waking up 10 minutes earlier to brush your teeth and hair, then get back into bed to pretend you just woke up that fresh and shiny). And, you’ve stayed over at theirs often enough to know that dirty dishes will occasionally be left in the sink overnight (making your eye twitch if you look at them … or think about them).