Drunk Uncles and 99 More Christmas Day Crises
Here are just a few of the things that can go wrong on Christmas Day, and why you really shouldn't worry about them
You’ve got your Christmas tree, made your to-do lists and even crafted some Christmas party favours. The menu is planned and the house decorated. All that’s left to do now is pop a bottle of champers and throw together a couple of salads on the day. What could go wrong? Turns out … a lot.
From human foibles, to animal faux pas and cooking disasters – there are limitless things that can throw a spanner in the Christmas works … regardless of how prepared you are. But here’s the thing about these so called ‘disasters’ – they’re actually not a huge deal. Life isn’t perfect, so why would Christmas Day be? The day is salvageable even if your dog does indeed eat the Christmas cookies hidden under the tree and vomit them up in front of your guests. Clean up the vomit with some paper towel, make sure your doggie’s alright, and get back to having fun. And if all else fails, pour yourself a drink, sit back, and remember that this will make a really, really good story in a year’s time.
Read these potential Christmas crises with a light heart. We’ve all been there. Because if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry, right? Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones.
From human foibles, to animal faux pas and cooking disasters – there are limitless things that can throw a spanner in the Christmas works … regardless of how prepared you are. But here’s the thing about these so called ‘disasters’ – they’re actually not a huge deal. Life isn’t perfect, so why would Christmas Day be? The day is salvageable even if your dog does indeed eat the Christmas cookies hidden under the tree and vomit them up in front of your guests. Clean up the vomit with some paper towel, make sure your doggie’s alright, and get back to having fun. And if all else fails, pour yourself a drink, sit back, and remember that this will make a really, really good story in a year’s time.
Read these potential Christmas crises with a light heart. We’ve all been there. Because if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry, right? Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones.
6. Finding out you gave someone the wrong present – after they’ve opened it.
7. The Christmas tree falling over, smashing precious ornaments.
8. Someone picking up the wrapped presents and trying to guess what they are, most likely by shaking them vigorously.
9. People obviously eyeing off other people’s presents.
10. Forgetting to buy batteries for the toys from Santa, which the kids want to play with right now.
Christmas decorating around the world
7. The Christmas tree falling over, smashing precious ornaments.
8. Someone picking up the wrapped presents and trying to guess what they are, most likely by shaking them vigorously.
9. People obviously eyeing off other people’s presents.
10. Forgetting to buy batteries for the toys from Santa, which the kids want to play with right now.
Christmas decorating around the world
11. The dog eating the edible presents under the tree … then vomiting them up in front of everyone.
12. Guests dressing up your poor pooch in Christmas outfits.
13. The dog peeing on the guest wearing a beautiful silk skirt. As in the guest’s wearing the skirt, not the dog…
14. The dog tearing up the beautiful wrapping under the tree before the guests arrive.
12. Guests dressing up your poor pooch in Christmas outfits.
13. The dog peeing on the guest wearing a beautiful silk skirt. As in the guest’s wearing the skirt, not the dog…
14. The dog tearing up the beautiful wrapping under the tree before the guests arrive.
15. Getting caught re-gifting.
16. Realising you forgot to buy your dad a present.
17. The gift reciever telling you they already have the gift you gave them.
18. Discovering a present is broken when you unwrap it. It was probably all that shaking.
19. Forgetting to wrap the presents, being out of wrapping paper, and having to gift them in plastic bags.
20. Giving the same gift as last year to the same person.
16. Realising you forgot to buy your dad a present.
17. The gift reciever telling you they already have the gift you gave them.
18. Discovering a present is broken when you unwrap it. It was probably all that shaking.
19. Forgetting to wrap the presents, being out of wrapping paper, and having to gift them in plastic bags.
20. Giving the same gift as last year to the same person.
21. The kids ‘bombing’ into the pool and soaking everyone.
22. Adults disciplining other people’s children.
23. Babies eating balls of dust/abandoned food off your floor.
24. Kids playing tip inside the house and breaking things.
25. Water pistol battles being taken way too seriously.
26. The kids using their very noisy Christmas gifts (like ‘frog shoes’ that croak when you walk). All. Day. Long.
22. Adults disciplining other people’s children.
23. Babies eating balls of dust/abandoned food off your floor.
24. Kids playing tip inside the house and breaking things.
25. Water pistol battles being taken way too seriously.
26. The kids using their very noisy Christmas gifts (like ‘frog shoes’ that croak when you walk). All. Day. Long.
27. Grandma drinking too much and telling people what she really thinks of them.
28. Everyone being really, really late – to the point that the ice melts and the food gets cold.
29. Guests expecting to be waited on.
30. Someone walking muddy shoes through your house.
31. Your aunt telling the same ‘Christmas joke’ for the millionth time.
32. A Christmas cracker missing a toy. One of the young kids gets it. They’re not pleased.
28. Everyone being really, really late – to the point that the ice melts and the food gets cold.
29. Guests expecting to be waited on.
30. Someone walking muddy shoes through your house.
31. Your aunt telling the same ‘Christmas joke’ for the millionth time.
32. A Christmas cracker missing a toy. One of the young kids gets it. They’re not pleased.
33. Not remembering the name of your niece’s long-term boyfriend.
34. Secretly hating your nephew’s new girlfriend.
35. Finding someone in the study reading a book instead of participating in the festivities (to be honest, this sounds a lot like something I would do).
36. The button on your tight jeans bursting after Christmas lunch (you gotta wear loose-fitting clothes, people).
34. Secretly hating your nephew’s new girlfriend.
35. Finding someone in the study reading a book instead of participating in the festivities (to be honest, this sounds a lot like something I would do).
36. The button on your tight jeans bursting after Christmas lunch (you gotta wear loose-fitting clothes, people).
37. Watching the weather turn from warm and sunny to wet and windy.
38. Dropping the desserts on your way to the table.
39. Having no air conditioning and watching all the food turn into an oily mess on a 38°C day.
40. Everyone getting really burnt due to your backyard’s lack of shade.
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38. Dropping the desserts on your way to the table.
39. Having no air conditioning and watching all the food turn into an oily mess on a 38°C day.
40. Everyone getting really burnt due to your backyard’s lack of shade.
12 signs you’ve dropped in on an Aussie Christmas
41. Running out of cutlery.
42. Running out of booze.
43. Running out of food.
44. Running out of glasses.
45. Running out of patience.
46. Running out of conversation (if all else fails, ‘Do you like stuff?’ works quite well).
42. Running out of booze.
43. Running out of food.
44. Running out of glasses.
45. Running out of patience.
46. Running out of conversation (if all else fails, ‘Do you like stuff?’ works quite well).
47. Kids hating the present you bought them and immediately abandoning it.
48. Your kid wanting their cousin’s present.
49. Kids wanting to ‘help’ cook while actually just eating all the ingredients.
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48. Your kid wanting their cousin’s present.
49. Kids wanting to ‘help’ cook while actually just eating all the ingredients.
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50. Candles setting the serviettes on fire.
51. Not having enough room to fit everyone at the table.
52. The Christmas tree lights causing the electricity to shortcircuit.
53. The fridge being overloaded and losing power.
51. Not having enough room to fit everyone at the table.
52. The Christmas tree lights causing the electricity to shortcircuit.
53. The fridge being overloaded and losing power.
54. Unexpected guests showing up empty handed (and cat in hand).
55. Wearing the same outfit as somebody else.
56. Someone being on their phone the entire day.
57. Finding someone asleep in your bed (under the covers).
58. Your guest borrowing an item of your clothing without asking.
55. Wearing the same outfit as somebody else.
56. Someone being on their phone the entire day.
57. Finding someone asleep in your bed (under the covers).
58. Your guest borrowing an item of your clothing without asking.
59. Having to make awkward chit chat with the first person to arrive (always the person you know least).
60. Hearing your friend complaining about your partner.
61. Losing track of time, and it suddenly being 5pm and you haven’t served lunch.
62. Accidentally announcing your sister’s pregnancy to everyone.
63. Your mum giving you suggestive book titles (How to Lose Weight Fast, Stop Being Forever Single).
60. Hearing your friend complaining about your partner.
61. Losing track of time, and it suddenly being 5pm and you haven’t served lunch.
62. Accidentally announcing your sister’s pregnancy to everyone.
63. Your mum giving you suggestive book titles (How to Lose Weight Fast, Stop Being Forever Single).
64. Hearing “Don’t tell Mum!!” in not-quite-hushed tones from the other room.
65. Your kids getting into a fist fight.
66. Your daughter climbing a tree … and falling off.
67. The new, latest (expensive!) gadget breaking after one hour’s use.
68. Someone falling through the trampoline.
69. Knowing the kids are up to something, but not knowing what that is.
65. Your kids getting into a fist fight.
66. Your daughter climbing a tree … and falling off.
67. The new, latest (expensive!) gadget breaking after one hour’s use.
68. Someone falling through the trampoline.
69. Knowing the kids are up to something, but not knowing what that is.
70. First-time Christmas puddings.
71. Cutting your finger while chopping the carrots.
72. Burning your hand while taking the vegies out of the oven.
73. Not having any ice on hand, and the servos are closed.
74. Arguing over who was meant to turn the oven on.
75. Forgetting to turn the oven off and it heating up the entire room.
76. Getting tipsy from the brandy that was meant to go in the Christmas puddings.
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71. Cutting your finger while chopping the carrots.
72. Burning your hand while taking the vegies out of the oven.
73. Not having any ice on hand, and the servos are closed.
74. Arguing over who was meant to turn the oven on.
75. Forgetting to turn the oven off and it heating up the entire room.
76. Getting tipsy from the brandy that was meant to go in the Christmas puddings.
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77. Realising your sister’s new boyfriend is your ex-lover.
78. Grandma saying “I miss your old boyfriend” to your sister… while new boyfriend is standing right there.
79. Your brother bringing up the very stupid thing you did at university … in front of your grandparents.
80. Someone opening the bathroom door while you’re on the toilet.
81. Over-the-top public displays of affection indulged in by guests. Even worse if they’re your parents.
78. Grandma saying “I miss your old boyfriend” to your sister… while new boyfriend is standing right there.
79. Your brother bringing up the very stupid thing you did at university … in front of your grandparents.
80. Someone opening the bathroom door while you’re on the toilet.
81. Over-the-top public displays of affection indulged in by guests. Even worse if they’re your parents.
82. Someone announcing “I’ve just become a vegan!” just as you serve the turkey, ham, and prawns.
83. Burning the meat to a crisp.
84. Forgetting to take the plastic bag out of the turkey cavity before you cook it.
85. People commenting on how much/little others eat.
86. Someone reminding you about your now-failed commitment to a ‘Dry December’.
87. Being served the devilled eggs that you didn’t want, then having to eat them.
88. Taking a whiff of the questionable-smelling prawns.
89. Everyone getting food poisoning from said prawns. Except the vegan.
83. Burning the meat to a crisp.
84. Forgetting to take the plastic bag out of the turkey cavity before you cook it.
85. People commenting on how much/little others eat.
86. Someone reminding you about your now-failed commitment to a ‘Dry December’.
87. Being served the devilled eggs that you didn’t want, then having to eat them.
88. Taking a whiff of the questionable-smelling prawns.
89. Everyone getting food poisoning from said prawns. Except the vegan.
90. Someone telling your kid Santa isn’t real.
91. The kids getting really bored, and consistently telling you so until you crack it.
92. The baby throwing up on the kid-phobic relative.
93. A Christmas cracker exploding in someone’s face.
94. Everyone getting a present except one child.
95. Realising you used salt instead of sugar in your pavlova.
96. Dad’s beard falling off while he’s playing Santa, making the kids burst into tears.
97. A couple breaking up over the Christmas table (probably your sister and her new boyfriend).
98. An argument errupting over opposed political views.
99. The cat leaving a special present that can be smelt but not found.
100. Bublé playing all day
(Oh, and for the record, these ‘examples’ are definitely not based on my lived experience, or that of the friends and family I interviewed).
TELL US
Which of these Christmas Day crises have you experienced? Have I left any others out? Share your tales of festive woe in the Comments section below.
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91. The kids getting really bored, and consistently telling you so until you crack it.
92. The baby throwing up on the kid-phobic relative.
93. A Christmas cracker exploding in someone’s face.
94. Everyone getting a present except one child.
95. Realising you used salt instead of sugar in your pavlova.
96. Dad’s beard falling off while he’s playing Santa, making the kids burst into tears.
97. A couple breaking up over the Christmas table (probably your sister and her new boyfriend).
98. An argument errupting over opposed political views.
99. The cat leaving a special present that can be smelt but not found.
100. Bublé playing all day
(Oh, and for the record, these ‘examples’ are definitely not based on my lived experience, or that of the friends and family I interviewed).
TELL US
Which of these Christmas Day crises have you experienced? Have I left any others out? Share your tales of festive woe in the Comments section below.
MORE
Read more stories about entertaining
2. Your uncle getting drunk and telling you things you really don’t need to know about his love life.
3. Your brother asking you where the ceramic dolphin sculpture he gave you last year is (it’s probably still at the local Vinnie’s).
4. Getting stuck talking to your ‘visiting’ neighbour all day long.
5. Your mother repeatedly asking you when you’re going to get married/have kids/buy a house.