I reall like the current colors and your red roof. I think you can change the house colors and not change the fence color. Here is one example that is in a tan family: With a white trim and dark brown shutters, I think it would work. Here is another example of a tan shade: I also like this light grey with white trim: Would you consider a green base: Then chose either a brown or red for the shutter.

Your deck will be amazing. It has fantastic form and plenty of architectural interest, it will add enormous benefit to the front facade and street appeal. I love your palette, it is simple and still has point sof interest. MY suggestion would be to use a combination of your exterior colours applied where best to highlight the deck structure and either tie in, or accent against it. Ding all of these things by painting the lower retaining section in the base grey the charcoal colour to continue and blend into the lower floor brickwork, also do this charcoal on the upper deck frame which is also the roof of that entry way. I am trying to say that thick timber which trims the deck. And the slatted section of the stair wall which acts as a breezeway in the light grey- why? Because the open sections of the slats will always appear black as you can see through them to under the satirs, and the light grey slats will stand out and feature that shadow line, perhaps even use liting to further enhance this detail. Lastly, the stair treads themselves left natural, like an architectural contemporRy stAtement, the natural timber tones will be rich and sophisticated and act as art inviting you to the home. These stairs would really pop and be commentedon at street level, also consider lights in each tread, perhaps the slatted wall side to highlight both this and the stirs for night practicality. What a stunning entrance. The natural character in rich timber tones will warm the grey, keep it contemporary and not introduce personalized colour, which can take away from street appeal. This on the other hand, appeals to everyone. And greenery, landscaping will only take this to the next level. Literally!

I don't know how hot it gets in Auckland in summer (I've only ever been to NZ in winter!) but if it gets hot, then go for a pale colour. Dark roofs should be kept for cold places!

My vote is for the wash but not in bright white and after some selective knot primer in the same tone. You are going to want to selectively primer down about 2/3 of the knots (use a dark white tinted primer), and use a dark white / brown toned off white instead of bright white so the beams still give you dark white on bright - that would be my vote. Consider something like bm stingray tinted primer and wash on the beams. You can add glaze for more working time or put down dropcloths and use water to cut it into a wash. Test it on some other raw wood that has had tannins develop for a few years. Then put it against your white wall - your husband will get the contrast and wood grain but you'll get the quiet palette you were hoping for. They both will have architectural depth and interest.