Start with paint chips... Bring some home and put next to the wood. Check at different times of day as the light levels change. Getting rid of the white will make the wood less contrasting and more warm. Love the red in the kitchen, very modern. Being that you like bold colours, you just need to remember that they should be accents... Like a focal point or a feature wall. Benjamin Moore has some giant paint chips too, you pay for them but you get a really good idea of what a colour will look like on your wall with a larger scale paint chip.

Paint the beams white and the ceiling a contracting color such as brown, grey.... whatever color trips your trigger!

I actually like these beams better in a light grey wash; for me, it is a more current look:

Once those curtains are gone, you will like the space more instantly! :-) If you'd like to leave the beams alone, I would change out the table and the lighting to something more contemporary. Tie those elements to the styling of the kitchen which is minimal and sleek. Go with a white and stainless table and a lower hanging modern light fixture above it to bring your focus down to eye level while contrasting with the rustic beams.

I would sand them down and paint them white. The lighter stain looks nice too. If you go lighter than the current stain color it may be hard to do it. Best of luck.

The white paint is not doing you any favors. There is too much contrast between the beams and the walls and ceiling. A much richer, warm paint color would be a big improvement.

Thank you all so much many of you suggested darkening the ceiling and leaving the beams the way it is to avoid too much work. What color did you guys had in mind?? isn't a lighter color suppose to open the room? Talianko and Hyde Evans and Shauna? ( I preferably will love a rustic lighter wood look, and the beams but does sound like a mission to get it done as sanding varnish on the ceiling might take me forever but if I get brave enough I might do it Sstar. Brio I do so want those curtains gone they are shocking :)you haven't seen the outdated blue couch yet... but I have to decide in the colors of the walls first :)
I am inclined to have a rustic look for furniture... more like farm style and I also like wash off colors...my next vibrant color that i want to add is yolk yellow ( don't roll your eyes that will be in a cushions or a vase a picture)
I am very impressed with all your answers and thank you all so much for taking the time to help a girl out :)

My MIL thought white was to open a space but I'm a rebel and went with BM Rusty Nail and Richmond Gold. With high ceilings I don't think opening the space is the challenge. BTW, the MIL now can't imagine my house white. It is warm, cozy but still feels spacious. You will know the right colour when you see the chip on your wall. Lol! Have fun!

Shauna where do I find this colors? do you have a photo by any chance :)

Benjamin Moore website